society watch; UNITY BANK AKURE REGIONAL MANAGER, OTUNBA OLUWATIMILEYIN ON INDEFINITE SUSPENSION OVER N3 BILLION LOAN SCANDAL

There is trouble everywhere you look at Unity Bank Plc, Akure. The over bearing regional manager, Otunba Oluwatimileyin has been placed on indefinite suspension while the police has launched an investigation into allegations of financial recklessness against him.
Source say the bank has been sidelined by the Ondo state government due to suspicion that the bank was a major conduit of ex governor olusegun Agagu to siphon state funds into thin air. The Mimiko Government has taken its major transaction accounts to ther banks in the state. This has grounded activities at Unity bank, Akure to a standstill. In the days of Dr. Olusegun Agagu, staff salaries and other major State transactions were routed through the Unity bank, in a state where the state government is the major spender, they were the envy of other banks.
Source say the management of the bank became uncomfortable with the dwindling fortunes of the regional head quarters and instituted a probe.
We are told Otunba Oluwatimileyin has been telling investigators how he gave out N3 billion naira worth of loans without collateral.
There have been rumours that the loan could have been to himself to finance the Royal Park Lane, hotel situated in the high brow Ijapo estate. Which is described as one of the best hotels in Ondo state.
So far I am told all his desperate moves to enjoy some relief has been squashed. It is revealed that his desire to resign was rejected until the conclusion of investigations. A source also revealed that his appeal to Senator Isiaka Adeleke, elder brother to the banks majority share holder, to take it easy on the probe hit a brick wall. Sometimes in this life a man has learn patience and let the law run its course. No?


- Al Humphrey Onyanabo,
080 2320 1073,
email; alhumphreyo@yahoo.com



TRUE OR FALSE ?

KORA ORGANISER,EARNEST ADOJVI ACCUSED OF DUPING LAGOS AND CROSS RIVER GOVERNMENTS.
The name Earnest Adojvi, is not very popular in two state government houses I Nigeria presently. There are allegations that the Kora organizer, sold a dummy to Lagos and Cross River State Governments. He reportedly collected $5m and $2.5 m from them individually promising hosting rights for KORA 2010. He left them holding the bag while he ran to Burkina Faso to stage the awards.
KORA, Africa’s version of the Grammy awards is the most respected musical recognition award on the continent. Countries justle for hosting rights because of the huge publicity outlay, assemblage of international stars and the attendant goodwill and tourism exposure it offers. Lagos and Cross River, Two states with eyes on developing into foremost tourist destinations and with experience in hosting such mammoth international events were therefore in the race and allegedly paid Mr. Earnest Adojvi to facilitate their bid.
What’s more, Nigeria seems to be a fertile ground for the KORA facilitator, we hear from the rumour mill that he picked up $1 MILLION usd from Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu, for making him life patron of KORA. Don’t worry, for politicians everything is mileage.


-Al humphrey Onyanabo,
080 2320 1073




SAHEED OSUPA BUYS BENTLEY

Fuji singer Saheed Osupa, a.k.a Saridon P, who is the favorite of bus conductors, mechanics and street folks because his lyrics make a lot more sense than noise, has bought a Bentley, used by only the extremely wealthy all over the world, valued at over 200,000 USD.
It’s a long leap for this head strong crooner who has had numerous cracks with the law, he might not perform at the big society gigs where big money changes hands but his ascent shows he must be doing something right. A Bentley is a Bentley, whether owned by a serf or king; my friend and brother Dele Momodu, who also owns one, will agree with me. Carry go Saheed.


THUMBS UP

GOODLUCK JONATHANS LUCK IS ROBBING OFF ON NIGERIA.

Whether you agree with the legality of the process that made him acting president or not watching the tv clips of him in the white house with President Obama was heartwarming. The way I saw it, Dr jonathan was bouncing on his seat very excitedly. He was like a little school boy invited by his principal into his office for a golden handshake. Meeting President Barrack Obama, the most powerful man on earth is a big deal.
Folks we must all agree this zentleman from the sea side town of Ogbia, were they zump into the sea to catch some fishes, has indeed come a long way.(the ijaws pronounce j and g as zee). Nobody has ever given him a chance at any thing from his days as a lecturer to his tenure as deputy governor, later governor, pummeled by faith into Aso Rock as Vice President and unanimously pushed in by the Senate as Acting President of Africa’s most powerful nation. His visit to the white hose gave Nigerians all over the world hope, it signaled our return into the club of civilized people and it said bye bye to the era when the president of our country was missing in action and even his closest aides could not find him. I pray his luck will continue to hold and subsequently rob off on Nigeria. We need it.
9ICE RETURNS FROM EUROPEAN TOUR.
By the time you read this, Akande Adigun Abolore popularly known as 9ICE would have returned home from an extensive three week European tour. I am told he visited ciyies like Parma, Padova, Napoli, Swiss, and Torino.
Sources say he is set to release his latest work, Versus, a following up to Tradition which did not go anywhere near his national monster hit Gongo Aso.
9NICE’s personal life has also been on the slopes. He is divorced from his new wife less than 15 months after their talk of the town wedding. His fans are hoping this album will put him back on the charts. Only time will tell.


-Al Humphrey Onyanabo,
080 2320 1073,
alhumphreyo@yahoo.com


THE SHAMELESS SENATOR AHMED SANI AND HIS 13 YEAR OLD WIFE

God save us from randy old men. I am waiting to mobilize support for WELA, acronym for Women Empowerment and Legal Aid, when their case against Senator Ahmed Sani, former governor of Zamfara state finally comes to trial. WELA is plotting to sue the man infamously known as the Sharia governor for his callous act of taking a 13 year old Egyptain girl as his bride after paying a heart stopping $100,000 as bride price plus other perks to her family.
The man has a right to spoil his in-laws but with all the marriageable women in Zamfara, kano, Kaduna, Maidugiri etc did he need to go marry a child, a teen who should still be in high school. I am confident he has children who are her age. How on earth would he feel when he mounts her? It is shameful, wicked and a crime against humanity. When you hear about the prevalence of cervical cancer in Northern Nigeria, it is flamed by randy , wicked old men who have sex with children they call wives because their stupid and wicked fathers sell their daughters for a couple of thousands of Naira. My heart bleeds.


THE 2010 WORLD CUP IN SOUTH AFRICA AND THE NIGERIAN SYNDROME

I have been reading all the reports by the Nigerian media and on line about the 2010 world cup holding in South Africa in a few months. What I am want to see are the loop holes in their preparations, call it bad belle, they have not seen any yet. I have not heard of a presidential task force on the world cup. Six months ago, they started test running the facilities and they have called the world to come and see.
Some months ago, when we hosted the junior world cup, it was a complete disaster. Press accreditation was not ready 48 hours into the tourney. Later we heard about billions of naira that made its way into private pockets.
In South Africa 2010, they will be celebrating a system that works, most of the journalists will remember that not too long ago they came to Nigeria and every thing was a mess.


ALHAJI ASARI DOKUBO FLIES OUT TO GERMANY FOR KIDNEY SURGERY , LOSES N70 MILLION TO AIDE.

In case you’ve been wondering why Alhaji Asari Dokubo has been out of the news for so long, I will let you in on the secret. He has had a run of bad luck.
The vociferous south south militant agitator for resource control has been in a German hospital recuperating from kidney surgery, an ailment he has been battling for the past three years. Sources also told us that one of his wives is also in another German hospital receiving treatment for a life threatening disease, another of his numerous wives has also became a pastor.
Before Alhaji Dokubo jetted out to Germany, he was not in a happy mood, one of his trusted aides is said to have duped him of over N70 million.
Said an insider,
“Alhaji trusted him so much and put him in charge of his his businesses with some oil companies. The guy, from the same tribe as him, went behind his back collecting payments and not remitting same”.
How much wahala can one man take?



CHIEF OMBO ISOKARIARI BUILDS PRIVATE REFINERY IN PORT HARCOURT.

Flamboyant and wealthy Kalabari technocrat, Chief Ombo Isokariari, ex managing director of NAFCON, the fertilizer company, inside sources say is building a private refinery in port Harcourt worth over $200 million dollars.
Said a source,
“ work has been going on for the past 12 months.
A member of the PDP board of trustees, I am also informed he was recently ordained a pastor of the RCCG in Port Harcourt.
What beats me is how he intends to juggle his roles as a wealthy businessman; a powerful politician and a pastor… talk about the camel passing through the eyes of the needle.

THUMBS UP; DR. ERNEST NDUKWE QUITS NCC WITH HIS HEAD HIGH

How I wish all public office holders will come into office simple and humble men and leave the same way a couple of years later without feeling they have risen above all around them.

Dr. Ernest Ndukwe, former executive Vice Chairman of the Nigerian Communications Commission, NCC is a shining example of a superb Nigerian who brought value , openness, candor and simplicity into an office that another man, willing to give an arm and a leg, would have turned into his kingdom on earth with all of us as his slaves.
As policeman and regulator in chief of the telecoms sector, Dr. Ernest Ndukwe held the big stick and put the multi dollar billionaire players in line . Some of his decisions were controversial and upturned by the courts and the presidency. But nobody could accuse him of corruption or trying to further a personal ambition to enrich himself with a few million dollars which is the operating currency in that industry.

For once, I will stick out my head and say two years from now, nobody can point to a network and claim it is owned by this gentleman. That’s the kind of confidence he exudes.
I remember him as managing director of Dizengoff (West Africa) limited, a firm that sells two way radio communication equipments, early in the 90’s. I knew him as a regular at Ken Calebs Olumese’s watering hole, Niteshift. Last year, I met him again at the Sheraton, in Lagos he was speaker at an event organized to honour journalists. He was still his simple, gentle, modest self.
Knowing the kind of favours and the rewards that flow in that industry, most men would have become pompous monsters; building high rises in Victoria Island and Ikoyi, plus a mansion in banana island as his family home…
As he retires, i raise up my thumb to him. At NCC, he ran a tight ship, with an open door and made Nigerians to believe a regulator could do its work impartially.
There is a new guy in the wings, i have a few words of advice for him; Dr. Ndukwe has set high standards of openness and probity and you must maintain same of you wish Nigerians to be on your side. That’s your call, my man.



GOV. LIYEL IMOKE RECUPERATES IN AN AMERICAN HOSPITAL,
SUFFERS A FEW BROKEN RIBS…BACK HOME

Handsome governor of Cross River State Gov Liyel Imoke is recuperating in a unidentified American specialist hospital following injuries he sustained during an accident en route Tinapa with his official convoy. Sources in caliber told the national weekender online that Gov Liyel was rushed abroad on a medical ambulance jet hours after the accident. We have not been able to ascertain the extent of casualties in the crash which has stagnated the business of governance in the state.

An Inside source revealed that his wife Obioma, was badly shaken by the accident and has been by his side all along abandoning all else to see to his quick recuperation.
Insiders revealed that Gov Liyel Imoke suffered a few broken ribs but is responding rapidly to treatment, of which we hear no expense, is spared. We hear friends and members of the state exco have been making their way to America as a mark of solidarity with their boss.
Gov Liyel, we hear is due back soon to take over the gauntlet of leadership as almost everything in this principally civil service state is grounding to a halt. Government contractors who have checks to pick up are the worst hit. Their prayer for his speedy return is vehement. We wish him well.
LASG BANS SWIMMING AT THE BAR BEACH.
This is an advice to all those who are in the habit of swimming in the dangerous waters of the Lagos bar beach. The Lagos state government has official banned swimming out there, and for good reason. The waters are pretty rough right now and there are not enough life guards to keep people from drowning.

They are coming down hard on offenders. A dip in the sea could earn you a few weeks in kirikiri. If you are new to lagos, and you have been hearing about the bar beach, visit if you must, ride a horse, no problem, but swim not, when brother Fashola makes a law in Lagos, he enforces it.

STRICTLY FOR THE RICH

THE 2010 MASERATI GRUNTURISMO CONVERTIBLE
If you don’t make your money in dollars and if you don’t subscribe to Robb, the exclusive magazine for super luxury goods, don’t bother reading this, it will only spoil your mood.
The Italian makers of Maserati and robb are offering only 50 of these cars for only 50 billionaires world wide.. Let me tell those who can afford it about the wonder… it’s a four seater convertible that combines comfort, pininfarina style and pure driving comfort. It comes in the truest Maserati tradition, it has a 433 hp race bred v8 engine and a 6 speed adaptive automatic transmission. Inside, there’s an abundance of space and handcrafted luxury unattainable in any other convertible.

i won’t descend to tell you how much this cars cost. Those it is for know how to contact Robb. What’s more, it comes with a personalization option. Eat your hearts out.

PARTY WATCH.
BUKKY WRIGHT CELEBRATES BIRTHDAY IN NEW MAGODO MANSION

Frank and friendly screen diva Bukky Wright gave her yearly birthday bash wednesdays ago at her new eye popping Magodo mansion.
Some busy bodies said she wanted to show off her new condo which i am told she recently accquired. It’s complete with her own lawn, spacious drive in and a silent cabin Mikano generator.
The booze and cuisine was lavish. Friends and stars strolled in from noon till midnight. Bukky was the perfect hostess doing photo sessions with guests and taking pot shots at other. There was no way to comfirm the rumours about a new man in her life. If there was one, that night, he was hidden out of the sight of us nosy reporters, indoors. The price of stardoom.
I had fun anyway, among those who were prominent, i counted gentleman Dele Taiwo, who is back from his london base to bury his mum, take heart man, i saw that permanent feature at most big society events, Kemi Otegbade, who is a superb events organizer and friend of Bukky. I also saw Hon. Adijat Addeye Oladapo, whose personal assistant gave her close marking, film maker Fidelis Duker was there with his lovely wife, Temitope, i also saw Yemi Olaoye, Ronke Shapara,Patricia Okungbowa, Banky Addeya and Mojisola Adeyi, Ronke Ojo, made an appearance, also making a late stop over was the regal Mrs Nike Eruotor, wife of the owner of white house hotels.

BOO BOO
ALHAJI ABUBAKAR RIMI’S DEATH OPENS THE BIG HOLES IN OUR SECURITY

While we mourn the demise of this colourful and dashing progressive politician and former governor of kano state after surviving an a armed robbery attack on a federal highway by local thieves, let us wipe our tears and shame the police for the state of insecurity in our country today.
Our police, have shown that they love check points where they can harrass motorists and okada riders but are very slow in intelligence information gathering which is what makes a police force thick.
Mr. Mike Onovo can not swear he does not have a file that details the number of robberies carried out by these hoods in the north who are a menace to road users in that part of the country, numbering over 20 per operation, they come armed with all kinds of lethal weapons. Sometimes they block the northern highway for over one hour looting all that are unfortunate to fall into their hands. Do we need the death of Alhaji Rimi for the police to wake up and flush out these robbers, or perhaps we are waiting for them to attack a serving Governor and his convoy before something will be done.
IGP Onovo needs be told that we are not interested in the arrest of a band of robbers, in line with the acting presidents directive, who will confess to have attacked the former governors’ convoy and the problem will persist.
If the matter ends thus, the police would have proved that all they do is eye service policing and for the kind of money, the Nigerian nation and people spend to maintain them, we deserve better.

ZAIN NIGERIA SOLD AGAIN ?

Whilst Mr. Sunil Mittal, chairman of Bharti, the company that recently bought Zain Nigeria is happy about his company’s acquisition of Zain and the oppurtunities for growth the deal offers them on the African continent, I am not.
As a loyal first generation customer of that network, I am upset with the infrequent name changes from Econet to Vmobile to Celtel to Zain and now Bharti Airtel. I will have a hard time explaining to my friends on other networks that mine is worth its salt if ownership changes as fast as it does.
Be that as it may, I hear a lot of boys and girls on ground, who are involved in the business of…….. are busy jubilating. It’s time for them to pocket a few hundred millions. For what?
Open your ears and eyes, it will soon hit you.



ACID RAIN SCARE HITS NIGERIA;
CHURCHES, PARENTS, ADVICE THEIR CHILDREN TO STAY INDOORS ON
SATURDAY AND AVOID THE RAINS.

It started as a rumor, which is the un- official news agency of the Nigerian masses and slowly it started gaining currency until a national daily newspaper did a front page report on it. Since then it has taken national proportions at last among the low class who battered by economic problems see this as another problem they cannot afford.

Sources revealed to national weekender on line that churches have been warning their members about the imminent drops of acidic rain in Nigeria last Saturday. The phone lines were busy last week, parents from all over were calling to advice their children and grand children to remain indoors on Saturday,
John obi, told our reporter,
“It was my mum that called me from Aba with the news. I was shocked that she heard and i did not. She pleaded with me to stay indoors on Saturday. I was forced to call all my siblings all over the country to pass on the message”.
Bisi a Lagos resident said,
“The news was everywhere. I did not want to take any chances. I cancelled all my outings for that day and stayed at home”.
We were informed that the few of acid rain kept people from the markets and parties last Saturday in Nigeria.
According to our investigations, Acid rain is any other form of precipitation that is acidic. It happens when ammonium, carbon, nitrogen and sulfur emit and react with the water molecules in the atmosphere to produce acids. It has harmful effects on plants, aquatic and infrastructure through wet deposition.
Said a source,
“For years Governments tried to reduce the release of sulfuric oxides into the Earth’s atmosphere with some positive results. It is also the deposition of wet {rain, fog, dew, snow} and dry [acidifying particles and gases} acidic components.
Since the increase in industries increase in the emissions of sulfuric acid into the atmosphere has been noted to be appalling. Industrialized areas are the core of this phenomenon. These areas all burn sulfuric-containing coal to generate heat and electricity.

The problem has increased with population and industrial growth and it has become more wide spread. The most important gas which leads to acidification is sulfuric oxide. Emissions of nitrogen oxides which are oxidized to form nitric acid are of increasing importance due to the ability to control emissions of sulfur compounds.
The Government of Nigeria has encouraged its citizens that every house must have at least one tree as they help remove the carbon molecules to replace it with oxygen. It also occurs when any form of precipitation removes acids from the atmosphere and delivers it on the Earth’s surface as a result of the deposition of acid produced in raindrops.
Acid rain has been shown to have adverse impacts on forests, freshwaters and soil, killing insects and aquatic life. It also causes damage to building and having deadly impacts on the human health.
A source told National Weekender Online,
“If somebody is exposed to acid rain, it can cause skin cancer over time”.
Trust Nigerians, they have started praying that this cup will pass over them.



NEW ON THE BLOCK


ELIZABETH EZENWA STEPS UP TO THE PLATE AT NEW DELTA FAMILY LAUNCH BY ORANGE DRUG
The detectable and brainy Mrs. Elizabeth Ezenwa, held sway recently in Lagos when she masterfully directed the proceedings at the Orange Drugs Launch of the new Delta Family range of soaps.
The billionaire owner of Orange Drugs, Chief Tony Ezenwa was noticeably absent but Lizzy proved she had learnt at the master’s seat.
A source revealed:
“Our chairman’s absence is strategic. He wants Madam to play a larger role in managing the company while he sees to other things”.
Our sources revealed that other things might include a stint at politics where he has a governorship ambition.
The soap launch was also an occasion for Orange drugs to fete its loyal distributors. Some of whom went home with various prizes. Mrs. Lizzy Nzenwa received moral support from her handsome son, Ugochukwu.
Delta soaps by all accounts is becoming the fast selling brand as medicated soaps are bought by both men and women in Nigeria

ADULT JOKEs

Fourth Place :

A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does,
his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both quite startled.

The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast,
I know you'll forgive me.'
She replies, 'If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221.'

REAL LIFE DRAMA; SOUTH WEST GOVERNOR ROMANCES MARRIED FEMALE POLITICIAN

A Governor in the south west of Nigeria who is reputedly positioning himself for leadership of the Yoruba race is in a steaming hot romance with a top female politician in his state right under the nose of his wife, the first lady.
Said a source,
“madam has seized to care. She has seen enough. It does not bother her anymore. She takes it as her cross”.

Sources in the south western state describe the governor who is dashing and handsome as a roving dandy who goes for any pretty, curvy thing in skirt- whether married or single.

A source revealed.
“once our oga sets his sights on a lady, she has no choice but to play ball. He will find all means to get her telephone number, send her text messages, call her late in the night and shower her with gifts”.

Another source said,

“His Excellency is very romantic. It is his nature. He is very randy”.

National weekender was informed that his present romance with a prominent married female politician in his case is causing ripples between her and another of his equally married female lovers, who was a high ranking officer in his regime until recently, due to the unreserved attention the new wife is enjoying from the governor.

Source in the state capital famed for its rocky terrain revealed to the national weekender that the ex senior official started her romance with the governor before he came to power and fusses over him even more than his legal wife. We were informed that though married , she cooks and brings his favorite dishes to the governor in his office.
A source revealed,
“Every body knows her as madam number two. She showers oga with so much affection and all his aides treat her with respect, as they know that she has the governors ears at all times”.

National weekender gathered that during the burial of the governors mother recently, the rift between both women came to the fore as hey both tried to play more prominent roles than each other in the preparations.

We heard,
“The female politician wanted to co ordinate the distribution of fabrics but she was shot out by the ex senior government official who hates her guts”.

Right now in government house, both women are pulling the governors heart strings as they desire until a more beautiful and powerful woman catches the governors’ fancy.

Aides of the randy governor in defence of their boss said, he prefers dating female politicians because he can use them to achieve his political goals.

He said,

“It is a strategy. Women are more faithful and trustworthy than men”.
Talk about political investments.

What wont men do?

- Al Humphrey Onyanabo
+234 80 2320 1073
alhumphreyo@yahoo.com

BUSTY ACTRESS FOLUKE DARAMOLA CAUGHT ON A BIKE

At 11.00a.m on Tuesday, 10 March, 20.., the beautiful and busty actress Foluke Daramola was seen along the Ajuwon/Akute road on a commercial motorbike popularly called Okada.
Her hair was looking rather rough and unkempt. She was wearing a pink top on jeans and used a scarf to cover her face so as not to be easily identified. An eye witness said she looked like someone who was undergoing emotional trauma.
Foluke, who is popular amongst Yoruba home video viewers not been regular on films.

Her last movie which she also produced was Awoya in which she played the part of a childless woman. Her husband, the Fuji sensation, Pasuma, a devout Muslim believes his wife should seek God’s intervention through prayers. At the end of the story; it was her step mother who Foluke had been nice to that was responsible for her childlessness.

ACTOR EJIKE ASIEGBU IN 419 SCANDAL

Embattled ex president of Actors Guild of Nigeria, Ejike Asiegbu, faces a stretch in jail if producers and marketers of Nigerian home videos make good their threat to prosecute him over alleged illegal collection of royalties from movie marketers in Zimbabwe.

Sources revealed that Ejike had allegedly received over N1 million from foreign marketers for last years rights’ to sell and Nigeria markets and had gone back to Zimbabwe to collect for next year before the shit hit the fan.
An e-mail sent to Emma Ogugwu, an actor and producer, by a movie marketer blew open Ejike Asiegbu’s racket. Emma told the National Weekender.

“Ejike has shot his bounds. He has also over extended his tenure. He has no authority to sell rights to anybody. What he did is illegal. It is fraudulent. The marketers have been meeting. He will be prosecuted.
Ejike has a lot on his plate presently. He has been dragged to court by executives of A.G.N for over extension of his tenure as president of the guild.
We were informed that Ejike is serving his third tenure without an election.

Our source reveled
“He is a sit light president. He has arrogated so much power to himself. He has sacked or suspended other elected officers like those who do not do his bidding.
Members of the A.G.N have variously described Ejike’s tendencies as dictatorial.

“Can you believe that he uses the A.G.N secretariat as his private office? There is no secretary. He calls no meetings. Once he is not in town the office is sealed. He is the only person who has access to the place”.
We were also informed and we have observed that the A.G.N Toyota Siena Van is used by Ejike Asiegbu as his personal car.

There are also allegations that Ejike Asiegbu disburses funds without recourse to any executive. An actor said
“We believe it has become one too many. The industry must be free of mediocres, self serving, and self minded people. It all boils down to leadership, when one man arrogates so much power to himself and puts the institution aside.
We could not reach Ejike Asiegbu at the time of writing this report but we spoke to

Mr. Mathias Obahiagbon who was a founding president of A.G.N.
“It is said you can imagine a situation where you vote somebody and the next thing he has become the boss. I am president, first among equals, does not mean you are better. We shut down this industry for eight months to allow us organise and put proper structures in place. Three months after we made peace, some people that were supposedly with us, sold us out.”

-Al humphrey onyanabo,
234 80 2320 1073,
alhumphreyo@yahoo.com

STRANGE FACTS.

1. In Tokyo a Bicycle is faster than car for most trips of less than 50 minutes.

2. The human body creates and kills 15 million red blood cells per second.

3. There are no clocks in Las Vegas casinos.



4. The King of hearts is the only King without a moustache on a standard playing card.

5. There is one slot machine in Las Vegas for every eight inhabitants.

6. Prince Charles and his son Prince Williams never travel on the same plane as a precaution against an air crash.

7. The Mona Lisa has no eye brow. It was the Fashion in Renaissance France to shave them off.

RUDE GIRL; OMOTOLA ABUSES CAST AND CREW ON THE SET OF HER NEW SOAP, THE SMOKE.

Star act Omotola Ekeinde’s first shot at directing a soap was a nasty experience for casts and crew.
Our source revealed

“She quarreled and abused everybody, both cast and crew that was on the set – she had no respect for anybody.”
The title of the soap is The Smoke and audition was for one long month and people were sick and tired of her frequent changes. The Smoke stars Gbenga Richards, Omotola, Larry Cole Sweat and a host of new faces.
Members of the cast complained that the production was tedious as Omotola in her wisdom shot 13 episodes of the soap in three weeks.
“Averagely we shot till 2.00a.m daily; shooting started in late February and ended in March.”

A source put her budget for the soap at over N7million. She is said to have bought an editing suite plus a camera chain for N3million. We also gathered that she bought a luxurious looking 12 sitter bus for the production. Omotola recently came into a bundle of cash from undisclosed sources.

The casts also complained that welfare was poor on set. “Omotola’s office is deep inside G.R.A, Ikeja, and people could not see where to buy food or even water and she was acting like a super bitch”.
For the production Omotola got a furniture company to give her furniture but half way through, she decided to change it.

“It was one hell of a time. I believe the soap’s title influenced her greatly. She had to live the title. She was smoking.”

Whether she carried it too far is another matter entirely.

SEXCAPEDES; ARMY GENERAL STRIPS WIFE'S YOUNG LOVER AT GUNPOINT

A Serving General in the Nigerian military allegedly lost his cool when he recently caught his wife with her young lover on their matrimonial bed in Lagos. Instead of shooting the Casanova like many would expect he told the frightened lover boy to strip at gun point, jump over the fence and run away before he does something crazy.
Said a source,
“It was a bizarre sight seeing a handsome young man in the hot afternoon in Ikeja walking about naked”.
Sources informed National Weekender that the General, a top shot in Abuja, had married late in life, and only because of pressure from family members and normally left Madam at home in Ikeja while he faced his official duties in Abuja.

Sources hinted, though discreetly that Madam had complained that Oga was not performing satisfactorily in the most important area of their marriage.

A source said,

“Money or power is not everything in marriage and as you know, body no be firewood”.
We were further told that ‘oga’ had been receiving intelligence reports on Madams sexual escapades by neighbours who were angry that she was desecrating oga’s ‘shrine’. He had taken the news with philosophical calmness, deciding that the best approach was to investigate and cash the love birds in action instead of crying over spilt milk.

After collecting substantial data of his wife’s activities whenever he travels, he feigned a trip to Abuja and put out his spies to keep him informed via phone.
Said a source,
Madam, believing, the coast to be clear, invited her young lover home and were both in the middle of the act when the General, a man train in the art of warfare and violence burst into the bedroom and told the frightened lover boy who had the guts to mount his horse, to strip and jump out naked through the fence, in an exclusive area of Ikeja.
“Nobody has been bold enough to ask what Madams’ punishment was”. There have been speculations that the General has equally sent her packing. But because Oga has not been also seen for some time, it is believed he has moved his young bride with him to Abuja, so he can keep an eye on his investment. Wise move any way you look at it.

INSPIRATIONAL; ANGELS ARE STILL IN THE BUSINESS OF HELPING PEOPLE

In September 1960, I woke up one morning with six hungry babies and just 75 cents in my pocket.

Their father was gone.

The boys ranged from three months to seven years; their sister was two.

Their Dad had never been much more than a presence they feared.

Whenever they heard his tires crunch on the gravel driveway, they would scramble to hide under their beds.

He did manage to leave $15 a week to buy groceries.

Now that he had decided to leave, there would be no more beatings, but no food either.

If there was a welfare system in effect in southern Indiana at that time, I certainly knew nothing about it.

I scrubbed the kids until they looked brand new and then ! put on m y best homemade dress, loaded them into the rusty old 51 Chevy and drove off to find a job.

The seven of us went to every factory, store and restaurant in our small town.

No luck.

The kids stayed crammed into the car and tried to be quiet while I tried to convince whoever would listen that I was willing to learn or do anything. I had to have a job.

Still no luck.
The last place we went to, just a few miles out of town, was an old Root Beer Barrel drive-in that had been converted to a truck stop.

It was called the Big Wheel.

An old lady named Granny owned the place and she peeked out of the window from time to time at all those kids.

She needed someone on the graveyard shift, 11 at night until seven in the morning.

She paid 65 cents an hour, and I could start that night.

I raced home and called the teenager down the street that baby-sat for people.

I bargained with her to come and sleep on my sofa for a dollar a night.

She could arrive with her pajamas on and the kids would already be asleep.

This seemed like a good arrangement to her, so we made a deal.

That night when the little ones and I knelt to say our prayers, we all thanked God for finding Mommy a job. And so I started at the Big Wheel.

When I got home in the mornings, I woke the baby-sitter up and sent her home with one dollar of my tip money -- fully half of what I averaged every night.

As the weeks went by, heating bills added a strain to my meagre wage.

The tires on the old Chevy had the consistency of penny balloons and began to leak. I had to fill them with air on the way to work and again every morning before I could go home.

One bleak fall morning, I dragged myself to the car to go home and found four tires in the back seat. New tires!

There was no note, no nothing, just those beautiful brand new tires.

Had angels taken up residence in Indiana ? I wondered.

I made a deal with the local service station.

In exchange for his mounting the new tires, I would clean up his office.

I remember it took me a lot longer to scrub his floor than it did for him to do the tires.

I was now working six nights instead of five and it still wasn't enough.

Christmas was coming and I knew there would be no money for toys for the kids.

I found a can of red paint and started repairing and painting some old toys. Then I hid them in the basement so there would be something for Santa to deliver on Christmas morning.

Clothes were a worry too. I was sewing patches on top of patches on the boys’ pants and soon they would be too far gone to repair.

On Christmas Eve the usual customers were drinking coffee in the Big Wheel. There were the truckers, Les, Frank, and Jim, and a state trooper named Joe.

A few musicians were hanging around after a gig at the Legion and were dropping nickels in the pinball machine.
The regulars all just sat around and talked through the wee hours of the morning and then left to get home before the sun came u.




When it was time for me to go home at seven o'clock on Christmas morning, to my amazement, my old battered Chevy was filled full to the top with boxes of all shapes and sizes.

I quickly opened the driver's side door, crawled inside and kneeled in the front facing the back seat.

Reaching back, I pulled off the lid of the top box.

Inside was whole case of little blue jeans, sizes 2-10!

I looked inside another box: It was full of shirts to go with the jeans.

Then I peeked inside some of the other boxes. There was candy and nuts and bananas and bags of groceries. There was an enormous ham for baking, and canned vegetables and potatoes.

There was pudding and Jell-O and cookies, pie filling and flour. There was a whole bag of laundry supplies and cleaning items.

And there were five toy trucks and one beautiful little doll.

As I drove back through empty streets as the sun slowly rose on the most amazing Christmas Day of my life, I was sobbing with gratitude.

And I will never forget the joy on the faces of my little ones that precious morning.

Yes, there were angels in Indiana that long-ago December. And they all hung out at the Big Wheel truck stop....

THE POWER OF PRAYER. I believe that God only gives three answers to prayer:

1. 'Yes!'
2. 'Not yet.'
3. 'I have something better in mind..'

God still sits on the throne, the devil is a liar.

You may be going through a tough time right now, but God is getting ready to bless you in a way that you cannot imagine.


.

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________________________________________

STAR INTERVIEW; WHY I STARTED A FAST FOOD AND BAR TOGETHER

Kola Adewale, owner of the talk of the town,
THE PLACE reveals


Sixteen years in Nigeria’s premier management consultancy KPMG didn’t prepare Kola Adewale for the first hard knocks of reality when he started running his own fast food business.
Two years down the road, Kola has made good his dream of becoming an entrepreneur. He runs a vastly successful fast-food/bar on Isaac John Street, GRA Ikeja, called The Place and the Excalibar. At last count he has a full staff of 70 people and he has recently added The Knights Lounge a VIP style electronically access controlled bar strictly for big boys. His success story is an inspiration for other startups and proof that melt down or not things can work here.
He sat down recently for a chat with Al Humphrey Onyanabo.

Tell us a bit about yourself.
My names are Kola Adewale. I was born 30th September, 1969. I attended Maryland Nursery and Primary School. And then Maryland Secondary School; if there was Maryland University that is where I would have attended. I did my university programme at Obafemi Awolowo University. I studied Agriculture Engineering. I had a first class and was best graduating student.

Work experience?
The bulk of my work experience was at Author Andersen which later became KPMG. My work there cut across quite a bit of professional services. I started as an audit staff, it was mandatory for you to become a chattered accountant, because of the audit work so I did the ICAN professional exam. In addition to that, I did quite a bit of management consulting. After six years I veered of audit/accounting to focus on business/management consulting: covering different areas, different kind of industries. Helping companies with their strategy, their finances, their accounting it was a varied mix of experience and I did that for 16 years. Two years ago I decided to resign and come and focus on my own business of running a restaurant/bar and night club.

You are the most unlikely person to be running a business like night clubbing. When did you decide this was the business for you?
It has been a long aspiration for me to be an entrepreneur coupled with the experience I had at KPMG. I felt I had all the skills to run any kind of business. I felt it is the ultimate in life to start your own brand and grow it. So it was a question of which industry is the most appropriate. I discovered that most banks don’t really touch start ups. Finance is difficult so I thought of something I can start small then grow big; when you create a formidable brand then you can expand.
Haven, looked at all the industries in Nigeria; I narrowed on bar/restaurant because I believe it is lucrative and profitable. I have seen the Mr. Biggs and Tastee’s, they started with next to nothing and have grown to where they are today. I did not need to have all the billions to start.

Did you have any reservation about running a night club?
I saw it as a business. I doubt if there is any business that does not have its reservations. There will be people issues; there will be the customer angle. Every single business will come with its won frustrations so it’s then being able to recruit the night set of people, structure and the right processes to deal with them. My being able to run it now is not because I am there all the time or I am the only person driving it. I have put things in place and I have people run the show even when I am not around.

What were the problems you had when you started?
Initially the patronage was very poor. Also, I must confess that I got it very wrong about the standard that we set. Being a novice, I thought I knew business, they had thought me all the theory in business, I did not get certain things right. One of it was compromising on the infrastructure, compromising on the finish, the interior, on the facade of the outside. So because of that patronage was weak. Competitions came on board in the area, put up something more formidable. It was a very tough time. We had to be very aggressive in our marketing and advertising so that people will patronize us with what we had on ground. Also we needed to up the standard by ploughing back the money we were making constantly and upgrading the facilities.

Which started first, the fast food or the bar?
We made an attempt to start the two together. We did not start with a fast food. We had a restaurant section and a bar section. Back then it was a table served restaurant; any thing you want, you make an order; we go to the kitchen, prepare and serve. It was about two years later that we built up a dedicated fast food section and a bar.

Why did you decide to have a bar alongside a fast-food? I have noticed it is a novel idea. Often time the daddies just want a beer while the mum and kids eat…
I felt they could complement themselves. It’s a rare practice and people warned me that they will conduct themselves. That a bar being attached to a fast-food will be stigmatizing. Particularly that the mothers and the kiddies will restrict themselves from us because of the alcohol. But what we realised is that the real cosmopolitan people, the liberal people, are more liberal in their thinking and outlook and it did not stop them. Particularly since we have a physical separation of the business though in the same premises. You can go into the fast-food, and not smell alcohol or smoke, what we have also seen is that diners also drink so it is a double plus for that group of people.

So, it has worked out well.
Oh, yes. But there will probably be some people who will not like to come in because they have their own moral standards. But for most part, I will say it has gained acceptance across board.

When are you going to start expanding the brand?
If everything goes based on projection and estimation, I will start something in another location next year.

Where?
My wish is for it to be on the island. It is one of the biggest markets and it is very competitive. But the market is there. One just needs to do something different and above board.

Recently you added the Knights lounge to your offering. Why?
It is a section dedicated for V.I.P’s. We realised we got loads and loads of customer complains from more elderly and mature crowd because of the mix up to mingle with people who are too young or not the same level of maturity as they are. Our patronage for the bar had grown. We needed more space. We realised we needed separation of crowd. We redesigned our smaller bar which wasn’t well decorated. Added access control and make it have a better taste and look for a more matured crowd.

The reception?
It’s been very, very good. It has been fantastic. We have maintained our standard. Who ever wants to belong has to pay our premium membership of N150, 000 per annum.

What benefits do they enjoy?
The real benefit is the access to the lounge with your card. In addition to that, it gives member priority into the car park. Secondly, on club nights we charge people N2, 000. But for members, that will be free.

How many guests can they come in with?
Two on busy nights and four on other days.
Which are your club days?
It’s now fast becoming virtually everyday, but the real club night is Friday which is the peak and Saturday.

How do you come not being a night club person?
It’s not a problem for me because I don’t stay. I leave averagely between 9.00pm and 11.00pm. I stay back once a month to see how things go generally to have a feel of and oversee operations.

ENDS.

SECURE SCOPE ; STREET GATES AND YOUR NEIGHBOURHOOD SECURITY

I have a veterinary doctor friend, Dr. Frank, who is so drawn to animals; you will think he is related to them. How I wish our general public medical doctors have half of this vet doctor’s affection for their patients.
One day, on his way to work from his residence, through his usual route to his clinic, he noticed a dog squatting and sleeping on a pavement, and without much thought, he drove past. However, on his way back from work through the same route, he still noticed this same dog on the pavement but this time around agitated and groaning in pains. He stopped and moved cautiously very close to this dog and using his skills, was able to calm this dog and discovered that it had a fractured front right leg. He managed to carry the dog home.


On getting home, he treated and nursed her daily before going to work and when he returned from work, until the dog became well and strong enough to move around properly. He named her Lucky. They became very close. The dog staying at home while Dr. Frank went to work and welcoming Dr. Frank on his return from work each day.
However one day, when Dr. Frank returned from work, Lucky, the dog was gone. Dr. Frank felt dejected and wished Lucky had stayed but since it had happened he had no choice but to move on with his life.
About a little over a month later Dr. Frank was woken up very early one morning by scratches on his front door. On opening the door, Dr. Frank was surprised to come face to face with Lucky and another dog that had been hit by a vehicle and had a broken left front leg. Lucky ran into Dr. Frank’s living room waging its tail and jumping all over the place. Dr. Frank bent down and helped the injured dog into his home.

‘’However, on his way back from work through the same route, he still noticed this same dog on the pavement but this time around agitated and groaning in pains. He stopped and moved cautiously very close to this dog and using his skills, was able to calm this dog and discovered that it had a fractured front right leg. He managed to carry the dog home’’.

The import of this short story is that, if you see and taste a good thing, you will most sincerely want to show a friend in need.
The existence of street gates goes a while back when communities decoded to help themselves to help the police, that is still under staffed and under funded.
So many years back, robbers will write letters to their intended victims, informing them of their evil visits. In most case, the robbers will show up and raid a good numbers of houses in a street. The surprising aspect of this scenario is that, the recipients of these evil letters will not inform the police and where one is bold enough to inform the police, the security agency will arrive minutes or hours after the robbers have successfully raided their victims.
Some members of a community once got such evil letters and decided to do something about the threat. They not only informed the police in their area, they raised vigilantes from amongst themselves and decided to resist the robbers. On the appointed day, the robbers came in two vehicles. Normally, they will ransack a roll of houses along the street and disappear but this time around they were in for a shock. Immediately, the robbers finished raiding the first house and moved into the second compound, occupants of the first house raised an alarm as arranged and most occupants of the street trooped out and barricaded both the entrance and exit to that street with whatever they had arranged or could lay their hands on.
By the time the robbers finished raiding the second house and came out, it was confusion everywhere. The robbers who were armed became confused. They wanted to get away but could not drive because everywhere and both ends of the street were littered and blocked with huge piles of rubbish, sharp items and stones. The robbers had only one option, run for their dear lives on foot, leaving behind most of the valuables they had loaded into both vehicles. These were later returned to their owners.
Appreciating the effectiveness of blocking their street with rubbish and stones, the community came up with the idea of erecting proper gates to control entry into and exit from their area, with local vigilantes from amongst them controlling the gates. This way they were able to safe-guard their community.
Other surrounding neighborhoods, noticing the effectiveness of this security consciousness, decided to emulate something that was considered a positive innovation. This was how, the construction of street gates for security purposes began to flourish.
Initially, the N.P.F had no problems or quarrels with these gates, but lately, they have been complaining that it sometimes hinders their operations, while pursuing fleeing robbers.
To all discerning stakeholders, the advantages of street gates certainly out weigh the disadvantages. However, it is unacceptable to create an entirely different and very serious problem because we are trying to solve a particular problem.
The effectiveness of street gates, in checking the incidences of robberies in neighborhood is unquestionable but operating guidelines must be strictly adhered to and this is where the Lagos State governments have a problem with some communities where these gates have been erected.
Across the country, there are state edicts and acts, regulating the closure and barricading of streets. However, the circumstances of our times, where incidences of armed robberies, kidnapping and other forms of very violent crimes, now makes us interpret these street closure acts with partisan sentiments.
In the first place, where are you likely to find a concentration of these street gates? How many can you find in places like Ajegunle and Badiya in Lagos State? I am not asking you to answer these questions, but just ponder over them. Insecurity, amongst those comfortable in our midst is beginning to take its toll. People want to try within reasonable limits to protect what they have been able to acquire albeit legally or illegally.
Streets and neighborhoods landlords’ association meetings are now common occurrences where everything concerning residents including security is discoursed. Representatives of tenants are also co-opted. If you do not have one in your neighborhood, you may want to organize one now where you can also discourse and arrange neighborhood watches, in conjunction with the divisional Police Officers (D.P.O) superintending your area. Whatever arrangements landlords or tenants are putting in place to assist themselves and the police in terms of security and traffic flow, must include the D.P.O in charge of the area. The police encourage every law abiding citizens to join and become active members of Police Community Relations Committee (PCRC) in your area. All you need do is walk into the police station in your neighborhood and make inquires and you will be advised on the steps to take to become a member. The police and participating neighborhoods and communities have a lot to benefit from each other in such collaborative ventures. In the face of all odds and shortcomings, the police still remains your best option and a friend, if you doubt this, when next you are in trouble, call a thug and sample the difference. By the way, how many of us citizens, have ever taken the pain to spare a few minutes to walk into the police station in their neighborhood to find out who their D.P.O is, the operations officer, the Divisional Crime Officer (D.C.O) and telephone numbers to call in cases of emergencies. These are very important information every citizen needs to have and the police these days will easily and gladly oblige you. All you need is just walk into the police station and ask. In most stations, these numbers and information are written and pasted on the walls in the charge rooms or information desks.
The police and the Lagos State Government are not against street gates. If you must erect street gates in your neighborhood because you are concerned about safety of lives and property, then arrangements MUST be put in place for the gates to be open between the hours of 5am to 12midnight, and manned between the stipulated periods to serve as alternative traffic routes to aid the flow of traffic during the day, at peak periods and after working hours in the evenings, when people are rushing home in different directions.
That these gates should be manned and be opened for emergencies at night cannot be over emphasized. There could be an emergency in the neighborhood, like, fire or someone dying and the fire truck or ambulance needs to go in, someone MUST be there to open the gates. The police knowing their area, through local knowledge, may want to use your street as shortcut in pursuit of fleeing robbers, you never know. What happens, when they get there in their vehicles and they can’t pass? This could be frustrating.
While we are concerned about our neighborhood safety, let’s spare a thought for others, outside our immediate surrounding, whose lives, at a particular time, may depend on what we have done or failed to do, in our neighbourhood. Till I come your way again in our next edition, go ahead and construct those gate but they must me operated in line with government directives. Remember, you have a right to protect yourself, but your rights stops, where the other man’s rights begin.

-by Goddy Efujuku.

THE END.

COVER CHOICE; 2O WAYS TO BECOME A SUCCESSFUL BANK ROBBER , SORRY MANAGER

Every business or profession has its sure fire tips for success. They are tried and trusted principles that have worked for those who have diligently applied them. Modern banking or bank robbery is no different. You can only succeed if you know the ground rules. National Weekender publisher, Al Humphrey Onyanabo, went to town for this exhaustive research. He spoke to banking experts, ex-chief executives, law enforcement agents, consultants and even some bankers who are currently guests of Aunty Farida. The masters can not be wrong.

If you are a banker, and you have an ambition to run a commercial or is it universal bank, it is a must read. It will guarantee that you become stupendously wealthy in the very shortest time. It high-lights the short cuts, the tricks, and the perks. It equally comes with an iron clad, money back guarantee, that you will end up in jail or exile, if you follow our advice to the letter. But why worry? Better men and women, have gone to jail in Nigeria and they came out celebrated and elevated. May that also be your story. No amen?
Don’t be selfish. Pass it on to your friends and colleagues. Introduce this site to your fellow banker friends and relatives. Enjoy.

1. BE SELFISHLY GENEROUS; PROMOTE YOUR NAME ABOVE THAT OF YOUR BANK
Forget about giving to the poor. To be a successful bank robber, you must learn the art of promoting your name with bank money. Build a hall in your alma Mater and name it after yourself. Build a library in another university. You are the managing director; nobody can fault your wisdom. Have a shopping cart of N1 billion. Six universities all bearing your name will be more like it, others will throw in honorary doctorates. Make a big deal out of it. Call the world to celebrate with a 20 page pull out in a national newspaper. You are a very big man in society, and you know the good thing, it is all part of community social responsibility, CRS.
It is also the easiest way to acquire a honourary doctorate.

2. BE VERY RELIGIOUS

Whatever faith you profess, make an open show of it. Let the world know what a devout Christian or Muslim you are. Attend a seminary or quranic school. Be an ordained minister, it can be part time. The dividends are legion. Religious folks like a bank robber, sorry, managing director who is very close to the Almighty. So be very prominent in religious matters. If there is a monthly retreat, by all means attend; let the cameras capture your presence. Get a front row seat. Start a banker’s fellowship. It helps to create a cult following. You are now a mentor.

3. BE POMPOUSLY ARROGANT
Flare up at the least distraction. It is a major pre-requisite for successful bank robbers - arrogance comes with the office. How to start? Believe you are a royalty, and everybody around you including depositors are your subjects. Why not? You control hundreds of billions; more than the budgets of over five states, and those small boys, state governors, are called your Excellencies.
Everybody needs a favor from you, so learn to frown always. Smile only for the press photographers.
Very importantly discard your old friends and relatives. Choose your new friends only from the notoriously wealthy.
Surround yourself with mobile policemen, at home, in the office, on the road, or even in the church or mosque. Trample on those who do not appreciate your new position.


4. DON’T PICK CALLS YOU DON’T RECOGNIZE
Success as a bank robber comes with its pains. One of which is unsolicited calls from small time customers or poor relatives seeking assistance for school fees, hospital bills or general welfare. Let your phones be permanently on vibration. You can’t be bothered with such nonsense. Whenever you see them, you can pray with them, for God to provide for them miraculously. Bank money is not for family charity.

5. BE A MASTER FORGER
Throw ethics to the winds. You write the rule books now. Perfect the grand art of forging documents. That is why Oyinbos made scanners and photocopying machines. You can do it yourself in the safety of your big office or you can have links with Oluwole boys to supply you with fake company incorporation papers, seals and others at a whiff. Why give loans to industries to grow the economy when you can give the loans to your self. You can use your sister in law or niece as a front for your fake companies. Start with small loans and graduate to the billions. What did they say about practice….? It makes perfect. Why wait? Who will question you? Who dares query the king… or queen? Baby, you’ve got it made.

6. APPOINT EXECUTIVE DIRECTORS YOU CAN POCKET
There are a lot of hungry, ambitious small boys in banking today. Pick from anywhere, even a community bank, (who is talking about experience. Loyalty is everything) and make them executive directors of your bank. Buy them two new cars every year; a house in Victoria Island or Ikoyi, paid family holiday abroad. And most importantly, give them unsecured loans; N5 billion is more like it. That will keep them busy speculating in stock or land.
It’s a small price to pay for their loyalty; they will ‘rubber-stamp’ all your decisions - the board can go to hell. Who do they think they are? This is your bank.


7. BE AWARD CONSCIOUS

Scan the Internet for award organizers around the world. Use proxies to consult them. Buy every kind of award on the planet. Cleanest bank, Internet ready bank, most advertised bank, most talked about bank, fastest growing bank, etc! Get the rating companies to give you any rating that the man on the street cannot understand. When you do, keep your advertising agencies busy running campaigns to celebrate yet another award.
N50 million is not too much to celebrate an award. After all, you are promoting the bank.


8. SECURE YOUR POWER BASE WITH OTHER APPOINTMENTS

Lobby or bribe to be appointed or elected, which ever, as president of an association that will increase your visibility and prestige in the market place. Your fellow bank robbers must know how appreciated and important you are beyond your primary constituency. It helps.



9. CREATE YOUR OWN STYLE

Remember you have waited so long for this day. It’s time to live the good life. First things first. Create your own style. Be known for the quality of your suits or gowns or scarves. Everything around you must be expensive. If owning properties on Banana Island, Ikoyi at $1 million per plot is in vogue, by all means buy a plot there. Spend another $1 million sand filing and $3million building it. Buy a house in London. But stay at the London Metropole when you are there on business. If your wife needs to own a shop, build her a shopping plaza in the choicest part of town. Own the latest cars; buy a Rolls Royce for Sundays only.
Invest in expensive watches and pens. When your family flies abroad which is often, it must be first class and with British Airways. Even your six year old daughter must fly first class. So bloody what, if it is N1.2million! Make a formal complaint about a front desk staff who suggested she go on business class. Who is she to advise you?


10. MANIPULATE YOUR BANK’S STOCK PRICES
There is no law against this yet. Why worry? Your fellow bank robbers have become quite adept at it. It’s time to play catch up. Be creative. Pick some stock brokerage firms you can trust. Loan them a couple of billions without collateral. Give them N10 billion each to trade in your banks stock; all they need to do is to buy and sell your stock. Most of your friends use five stock brokers. Five seems a magical number, stay with it.

The constant activity will raise the value of your stock. Who is talking about stock manipulation? Don’t forget, your investors are only interested in dividends at years end. By all means strive to make them happy. Declare bonus shares, and your job will be secure. You will be allowed to loot the till in peace.

11. BE FRIENDLY WITH AUNTY NDIDI

Yes. Be very friendly with Aunty Ndidi. Don’t dare slight her. Show her proper courtesy. If she is a director in a company, be nice to that company. Be in her good books. Remember you need her each time you come to the stock market to raise some extra billions for your spurious expansion schemes. She will stand beside you smiling and say a few nice things about your bank. She has the magic wand. Aunty Ndidi knows how to create investor confidence. And you know what, she does not ask too many questions; she will not want to know where the other billions you raised, went. She is like an angel; she sees no evil and hears no evil. These are the kind of friends you need.

12. GIVE LOANS/OVERDRAFTS ONLY TO THE RICH

Don’t bother about making friends. All the super rich and the pretenders in society will automatically become your friends. You will be on first name basis with all of them. The super rich are one big family (when the going is good) .They will invite you to dinner at their posh homes and you can also attend all their extravagant parties. Life is good. Live it.

Alas, at a price! You must keep them happy with loans and overdrafts. Their big family names should be enough to secure the loans. Where did all the famed family fortune go? It’s not your business to know. In this town, the more you look, the less you see. You don’t want to be a social outcast, do you?

Keep your staff in check over loans to the rich. Sack any manager who harasses them over a default. Who do they want to attend your daughter’s wedding or your 50th birthday? Your poor relatives? Increase your overdraft limits to the rich. Just keep rolling them over. Don’t be bothered with such trivialities. You can afford to write them off. Banking is risk taking.


13. NEVER, EVER GIVE LOANS TO THE POOR
When it comes to loans or overdrafts to the poor, be very strict. You are a trained banker, do your job to the letter.
Place all kinds of obstacles in the way of any struggling businessman looking for a N1 million loan. They must show concrete proofs that they can repay the loans. Let your people promise them heaven when they are opening the account, keep them on a string for one year as they fund the account. When they seek a facility, make them sweat. Pile them with conditions they cannot fulfill; ask them for ancestral land documents, their grand mother’s marriage certificate…. Stress them so much that they run away and leave your bank alone.


14. FRUSTRATE INDUSTRIALISTS; NO LOANS, PLEASE!
These are the trouble makers. They are always complaining about interest rates in the news papers. How can they dictate how much interest you will charge for your overdrafts? Who is interested in 20 year facilities? Tell your people to frustrate them big time. Call in their overdrafts. Throw them into receivership. Send Mobile Policemen to shut down their factories - let them maim or kill anybody who obstructs them; throw hundreds of their workers into the unemployment market.
You are only doing your job, securing bank money.


15. HARASS YOUR MARKETERS WITH IMPOSSIBLE TARGETS
Deposits are everything in banking. They must keep coming in. Who else will bring in large deposits but your marketers? Employ only beautiful, shapely girls. Set very high targets for them... One of your fellow robbers has set a N500 million monthly target for fresh intakes. You can also do the same.
Be sure you employ only those with good family connections. If they have an uncle who is a commissioner, minister or governor, all well and good. Send them out to the street daily in sleek cars. Give them attractive wardrobe allowances. They are selling themselves and the bank. And they must look very attractive. No dress codes, please. Money has no colour. If they have to sleep with men to collect it, nko, what is wrong with using what you have to get what you want?

One last warning, don’t employ married women. They are bad business. Fresh marketers cannot marry until after three years. The dumb married ones must properly space their children - one every four years - maternity leave can be a big distraction.


16. BE AN EXPERT AT COOKING THE BOOKS
Damn the external auditors. It’s what they see that they know. Are they not Nigerians? Cook your books. Always make your balance sheet very attractive, be it mid or year end. Shred or hide all uncomplimentary stuff like non-performing loans, huge debt profile, and weak assets. Be very bold and imaginative. A criminal mind knows no limit.

Have a special team handle this task. They must be headed by an executive director… Pay back time? Of course, you all are partners in crime and progress.

17. COURT TRADITIONAL RULERS AND POLITICIANS

Royalty though you are. Remember a day of wahala always comes. Bad belle people are waiting to bring down successful bank robbers. Prepare. Prepare. Prepare.

Take my advice. Court prominent powerful traditional rulers. Buy them exotic cars, renovate their palaces or better still, site a project in their domain and name it after them. When the chips are down, you can run to them to put in a kind word for you to the powers that be.
Equally put some powerful politicians in your pocket. Donate to their campaign funds. Let them have access to overdrafts. Fund their A.G.O; importation deals. If they head a powerful committee in the Senate or House of Reps, better. Pick people who can stand on the floor of the house to raise your case as a matter of urgent national importance or even demand a committee hearing to ruffle the other side. Bank money is at your beck. Use it as you desire.

18. ALWAYS HAVE A BAG PACKED
Remember the words of the great Zik of Africa, ’nothing is permanent.’ As you
dip your hands daily into the till to satisfy your every whim, also have a bag

Packed for good or for bad. Most often, as guest of Aunty Farida . But not to worry. They will shake you for a few months, insult you to no end, dehumanize you, and make you sign away most of your loot to the government and more.
But don’t worry you have loads of cash. Your matter will soon be yesterday’s news. You can enter into politics; be a godfather. Life can never be boring for you . In Nigeria, when money talks… Bullshit walks… We are a very forgetful race.

19. PLAN A LIFE IN EXILE

Successful bank robbers know their crimes will catch up with them some day. If you do not like the smell of our jails, prepare for a stint in exile. Any bank robber worth his salt knows how to hide millions of dollars in safe heavens, the Bahamas , or cayman islands and of late the United Arab Emirate, so far away and secret Aunty Farida and her nosey boys will never trace it.

If you are the religious type, you might categorize it as your ‘wilderness experience’. Every body has his. There are two ways to skip town even after you have been declared wanted by Aunty Farida - you can borrow the jet of one of your billionaire debtor friends, and there are many who will be too glad to help; after all, private jets were made for quick get aways . If that fails, you can use the famous NADECO route. Prof. Wole Soyinka has shown the path to many a dissident. He knows it like the back of his hand… I am not too sure he won’t give you a head butt instead. Try him any way.


20. NEVER ADMIT WRONG DOING

When eventually the long arms of the law catches up with you, play the villain. Claim your innocence at every turn. Heat up the bushes. Turn on your spin doctors, launch advertorials about a grand conspiracy to take over your bank and a few others. Play the ethnic card. Throw in some religion, or fake illness to gain sympathy. Rubbish brother Sanusi, a boy far your junior in banking. Where was he when you became a bank robber 15 years ago? He was busy pushing files at UBA. Divert the public from your crimes as a bank robber…… Remember this, if nothing else, Nigeria and Nigerians thrive on confusion. Use your war chest to ensure it, whatever it takes, cast doubts on the credibility of the system…. From Kirikiri, Alagbon or Okotie Eboh Street, you can still run things… Naija for life.


THE END.

AL HUMPHREY ONYANABO
234 80 2320 1073,
alhumphreyo@yahoo.com

BOO BOO ; WHAT DOES COOKING FOR THE FIRST FAMILY HAVE TO DO WITH DORA AKINYULI'S MINISTERIAL SCREENING

Nigeria politicians are a comical lot, they are super good at grand standing and rubbishing themselves to score cheap points and or bring down another.
What still baffles me is how a senator of the federal republic of Nigeria, a senator for life, will go so low and petty as to accuse Mrs. Dora Akinyuli of cooking for the first family when the going was good and abandoning them when the chips are down. They point the senator was trying so furiously to make was that sister Dora was part of the cabal, which includes, please don’t laugh, members of Madam Turai’s small kitchen cabinet, which she vehemently claimed is pulling the nation aground. Thank god other distinguished senators told sister Dora she did not need to defend herself about that.

For crying out loud, what is wrong, lol, if madam Turai, asks sister Dora, to please jump into the kitchen and fix lunch for the First family, it is all service to the nation. It’s the same way a minister will carry the presidents’ briefcase or fix him tea or light his cigarette. One day senators and honourable members will tell us what they do to be in the good books of the National leadership to be in first rate committees. Things like that are better left in the closet. They stink.

IS AROCOM INVESTMENTS SOFT LOANS FOR REAL

I recently chanced upon a company called the Arocom group that looks very good on paper. The ceo/ chairman is an Abeokuta chap, he is Alhaji Shuaibu Aro. Under the Arocom Group are; Arocom global investments ltd, Arocom global merchandise limited, Arocom automobile industries limited and Arocom property development limited. They claim to be committed to the use of private sector finance initiatives to improve and develop the standard of living of the masses as part of its contribution of private sector operators to poverty elevation in Nigeria… Good talk.

I also saw during my investigation, an elaborate pamphlet published by the company during the commissioning and distribution of 70 motorcycles to support transportation in ogun state on Thursday, January 28th 2010 at the Alake’s Palace, Abeokuta.

I am not satisfied however with their terms. They are too harsh for the poor they are supposed to cater for. According to information, to receive a soft friendly loan, you have to save N1,000 with them weekly for six months, before they consider you for a loan. LAPO which is the market leader for such small loans gives people money after 4 weeks. Why should Arocom be different? Why should people wait for six months before they pick up the soft loans? It certainly will be medicine after death if you ask me.

I also quarrel with their assets acquisition scheme for okadas, cars or household items. According to my sources, you will pay 25% of the value to Arocom and then wait for between 7 to 90 days to take possession of the asset. I am not impressed by their system. They are not masses friendly in any way. And I hope they will change for the masses need more of such schemes to alleviate the biting poverty that our leaders have thrown us into.

INTRODUCING CAPT HOSA OSUNBOR; THE NEW SUPER RICH POWER BROKER

You probably have never heard the name of this wealthy former Nigerian Airways captain if you are not from the bini stock. He is publicity shy, He moves without bodyguards or a
Convoy of exotic cars, he does not spray at parties and he does not attend public functions or seek unnecessary attention to himself or his business. You probably would have seen the adverts of his flagship company Hosyln plc in the Guardian; it’s usually smaller than a 2 by 2 column. Capt Hosa is a power broker and government contactor of the first grade.

Insiders say he made the bulk of his fortune supplying ballot boxes to INEC, Then he made a huge kill from contacts in the Niger Delta. Sources say he was a regular in Yenagoa during Diepriye Alamieyesiegha’s tenure as government where he met the acting president who was a sidelined deputy Governor.

According to inside sources Capt Hosa had the good sense to befriend Dr. Goodluck Jonathan even when he had nothing to gain from him as DSP was his friend,

A source revealed,
“The deputy Governor was not in the running of things but each time he went to see DSP, He also dropped by his office and dropped some welfare out of respect for his office.”

They developed a closeness and friendship that today has yielded untold dividends. Insiders had hoped Capt Hosa would be on the ministerial list as aviation minister, but another close watcher revealed that he would not like all that spotlight as he loves to play behind the scenes.

Capt Hosa, we were informed was one of the sponsors of comrade Adams Oshiomole and he has access to Edo Government House or to the Governor 24 hours daily.
Insiders revealed that the first contract Adams Oshiomole awarded as Governor of Edo state was renovation of Edo Government House. And it was to Capt Hosa Osunbor. He turned it down and it remained undone for many months until it was later warded to Chief Tom Ikimi.

Sources told National Weekender Online that Capt Hosa does not touch jobs below N500 million and it could have been why he did not touch Oshiomole’s contract.
Capt hosa is also pally pally with Dr Olusegun Mimiko of Ondo State, their closeness is such that when Dr Olusegun Mimiko came to Benin city for the election tribunal ruling on his gubernatorial petition, he stayed in the private residence of Capt Hosa in Benin G.R.A, declining the invitation of Comrade Oshiomole to spend the night with him at the governors lodge. The next morning, the governor, we were reliably informed sent a convoy of security cars to ferry the new governor, a fellow party man, to the airport, again the cars were sent back while capt hosa brought out his own cars to take Dr. Mimiko to the airport in splendor. We hear he has moved his machinery there for some heavy weight contracts.

In 2009, Capt Hosa had an issue with the flamboyant Esama of Benin, Chief Gabriel Osawaru Igbinedion. When the latter ‘hijacked’ one of his 2008 phantom Rolls Royce.
Inside sources revealed to the National Weekender Online that Chief Igbinedion had noticed that Capt Hosa had two Rolls Royce Phantom valued at over $600,000 (USD) each and had told him.

“My son, you recently acquired has two of these beautiful cars when I don’t have one. I must keep one of them.” And he did sources revealed that Capt Hosa had to respect the status of Chief Gabriel Igbinedion as a stylish and rich Benin man to let go one his dream on wheels, but not before the financial implications were sorted out.

Our source said
“The next morning, Esama, sent N30million as first installment for the Phantom to Capt Hosa.” A payment plan was structured and agreed to by both parties which we hear has since been fulfilled by the Esama.
He is known to be quietly generous to those who are able to reach him for assistance. He is described as one of the biggest givers in Edo state today.
Capt hosa is in his early 50’s; he is strikingly handsome, some spoken and level headed, unlike most rich folks, he picks his phones and he sees all those waiting to see him, without wasting their time unduly.

He lives a life that befits his status as a billionaire; he has a mansion in Benin G.R.A with a Bentley and Rolls Royce amongst other cars. He also officially leaves in another expansive eye popping mansion in Asokoro, in Abuja where he hobnobs with the movers and shakers. He is also reported to have a mansion and investments in South Africa and the United States of America. He is very close to Mr. Fix it, a fellow edo, Chief Tony Anenih.


- Al humphrey Onyanabo,
234 80 2320 1073.
email; alhumphreyo@yahoo.com

SOCIETY WATCH; DR WALE BABALAKIN, SAN, PLANS SUPERLATIVE 5 DAY BASH FOR HIS 50TH BIRTHDAY.

Super rich lawyer and businessman, Dr Bolanle Olawale Babalakin, SAN, OFR, is planning a superlative long-winded five day bash to commemorate his 50th birthday In Lagos starting July 1st 2010.
An insider told The National Weekender Online.
‘It’s like nothing Lagos has ever seen”.
We were also informed reliably that the Bar association is giving him a party, his companies are giving another, there’s yet another planned by his immediate family.
Our source said,
“All of this will come before the main mother- of- all- parties; where ex presidents and who is who in the social, political and economic firmament of our great country will converge in an extraordinary assemblage to honour a man of distinction and hard work”.
Dr Wale Babalakin, popularly known as BOB, though stupefying wealthy is not known for giving parties. Sources say he is therefore giving himself a land mark 50th that will set tongues wagging.
An inside source revealed,
“BOB does not do things in small measures. His projects show he is a man who thinks big and acts big. He is a long range planner; every step of the way must be perfect. He does not cut corners “.
Party planners and event managers in Lagos we spoke to revealed that with the escalating costs of catering, floral arrangements, hall decorations, audio visual and lightning rentals, party venues, and liquor a budget of N30 Million will be more like it for the five parties.
Our source revealed,
“They will all be crème de la crème parties. The smaller parties will have at least 1000 guests in attendance and the main party about 5000 guests “.

Said another source,

“These days, typical big society party costs between N3m to N5m, all of which will come with quality cuisine, small chops, Chinese, Asun, grilled fish, bubbly, first class wines and cognac. And you are looking at 500 guests”.

We were informed that though invites are yet to go out and the party venues announced officially, all those who will perform tasks have been contracted.

An insider said,

“That is typical BOB. No half measures. Every t crossed every comma in place”.

BOB was born on July 1, 1960; he attended sacred heart primary school, Ibadan from where at age ten he was admitted into the Government College, GCI, Ibadan. Upon graduation, he enrolled at the Ibadan Polytechnic for his A’ Levels, from where he moved on to the University of Lagos to read law.

He got his LLB in 1981 and was called to the bar in 1982. He was just 22 years old. At age 26, he had a masters and a PhD in law from the University Of Cambridge, England, courtesy of a commonwealth scholarship.

Son of retired Supreme Court justice Bolarinwa Babalakin, BOB has distinguished himself as a lawyer; he is a Senior Advocate of Nigeria, SAN, which is the highest honour any Nigerian lawyer can seek to attain. His law firm BABALAKIN &CO remains one of the most esteemed in the country. He has also fashioned a niche for himself as an astute business man. He sits on the board of numerous companies. BOB won the contract to build and manage the old Lagos domestic airport; an undertaking that gulped over $200 million dollars- the result is a world class domestic terminal that has no equal in the sub region.

He is scheduled to move to site any time now to commence the rebuilding and management of one of Nigeria’s busiest highways, the Lagos /Ibadan expressway.
Insiders who have seen the model revealed the amenities BOB has earmarked for the road when completed, will make the over 100 kilometer stretch the best in Africa.

Silent about his wealth and know to downplay his achievements, BOB told an interviewer three years ago,

“I am underachieved in my chosen area. Let me put more efforts, maybe, one day, i will become successful. What i mean by underachieved, as far as i am concerned, is in comparison with opportunity. If a man has 20 opportunities and is able to actualize four, he has not achieved.”


As days tick into nights and weeks, and D day draws closer, a society source told National Weekender Online,

“The challenge he will have is a big enough venue that will accommodate everybody without some feeling slighted.”
That if you ask me is BOB’s cup of tea.




-Al Humphrey Onyanabo
Email; alhumphreyo@yahoo.com,
Tel 234 80 2320 1073